on 12/12/21, my husband Andy died. two days later, I put this snippet into the notes on my phone:

you ordered my life gave me ground

and that’s what he did. also he loved me all the way–fully.

the internal pressure I feel to meet the immensity of this subject with perfect verbal expression cannot be overstated. by now, it has been one year, and a lot has happened. imagine a full-blast firehose stream’s worth of thoughts, feelings, and images being diverted into the tip of a pen. where do I even begin? how do I even tell you all the things I’m willing to tell?

imperfectly, which will have to do.

I’m way out of practice with the blog and will have to re-learn how to post photos, and so on. but imperfect is always the way, isn’t it? even when I scurry around editing and managing my image, it cannot be perfect in the way I think it ought to be. but it’ll be perfect in the sense that it will communicate my inner states to the best of my ability at the time. jesus, how could I expect better or more than that?

anyway.

here’s some pictures.